Empty Nest Reflections on Xavier’s Birthday

Today is Xavier’s birthday 🥳, and while we’re celebrating him, I found myself reflecting on parenthood.

As parents, so much of our life revolves around our children — our routines, our energy, even the way we plan our days. It feels natural, it feels right, until something shifts. They grow older. They leave home. Or they need us in different ways than before.

For me, losing my youngest child left me feeling incomplete. I wasn’t done “mom-ing.” We hadn’t gotten to homecoming, prom, or graduation. I still carry that lingering feeling — like I should be headed to practice, or asking if he wants to skip school and hang out, or if I should be treating him and his friends to lunch.

He’s the reason I was up at 3:45 every morning. I’d get up, make sure his bags were ready for football practice, pull myself together, then wake him up (twice!) so we could be out the door by 5:30. Now it’s quiet. My older boys — I can’t really call them boys anymore — have opted to go back east to live.

Days like this, I miss them all in a different way. It’s hit me: I’m officially in the empty-nester phase of life. I have to shed part of who I was as a mom while I also heal, all at the same time.

That’s when you realize you’re standing at a crossroad: Who am I apart from being Mom? What does my day look like if it’s not centered around them?

It’s not a bad thing. It’s a season of rediscovering yourself, of shaping a new rhythm. But whew, it’s a powerful reminder that our identity isn’t fixed. It grows, just like they do. 💕